“What do you think happens after we die?” I asked my Japanese wife as we sat on the couch in my small apartment.
She finished taking a few bites of the hakusai and beef that we were eating before she said, “I think we are born again.”
I thought for a moment. I knew that most people in Japan did not consider themselves religious. Religion and culture are often interchangeable in Japan. People go to the shrine on New Year’s Eve, but for many Japanese people this is culture more than religion. Perhaps they say a brief prayer for the year ahead, but deep faith and regular practice are not something often seen here.
Buddhism and Shinto are best friends here
However, my wife is one of those people who does practice regularly. In the traditions of her family, Buddhism and Shinto run strong. In Japan, Shinto and Buddhism intertwine inseparably. On the land in which my wife’s family has lived for over 700 years, their family house sits. In one of the main rooms of the home, there is a butsudan right next to the kamidana. The Buddhist shrine sits next to the display of the Shinto gods.
Growing up as a Catholic in America, I viewed the concepts of multiple gods and reincarnation as akin to folk tales. However, I have always connected with Buddhism and the tenets that it teaches. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, and the acknowledgment of suffering are something that I incorporate into my life. Yet, my Christian guilt tells me that if I believe in reincarnation or Amaterasu for one second, I’ll book myself a nice room in hell.
With these conflicting feelings, I asked her, “What’s the goal, then? In Christianity, the goal is to live a sinless life and get to heaven.”
“Goal?” she said. “I don’t think there is a goal. All of my ancestors performed these rituals and continued the practice in our family. Without their prayers and practices, I wouldn’t be here today. So, in order to continue that cycle of gratitude, I also pray and perform the rituals. It’s for the sake of continuation.”
It made sense, of course. If you believe in reincarnation and the idea that what we do in this life affects our future lives, who wouldn’t want to live that way?
She continued, “Of course there is a type of heaven in Buddhism, but I don’t think people go there forever. I think people go there while they wait to be reborn.”
When my wife first told me of her religious beliefs, she said that I was one of the first people she had ever opened up to about them. There is definitely a strong pushback among the Japanese public against religious cults. They have been on the rise in modern times and have been responsible for some heinous crimes in Japan.
Of course, most of the religious people in Japan are not part of and renounce cults. Yet, I think this goes to show the fracture between organized religion in Japan and the perceptions of the public. My wife hasn’t even told her best friends about her beliefs, or about the summer pilgrimage she makes every year, or about the person she will occasionally go to see who can listen to the gods and talk of the future.
Give Thanks
I realized that my wife’s motivation for practicing is gratitude. To give thanks to her family, to her ancestors, to the gods in order to live a happy life and continue the cycle for our children and ancestors.
A little embarrassed, I ate my beef and cabbage. I had said the goal of Christianity is to live a sinless life and get in to heaven. When I compared that to offering endless gratitude, it seemed selfish.
For her, there is no ultimatum. There is no, “Believe this or go to hell.” Of course, there are things one should not do in Buddhism. But those are largely the same as in Christianity. Don’t kill, don’t commit adultery, don’t lie. The basics of human decency are the same, but whereas guilt is the driver for goodness in Christianity, gratitude is the driver in Buddhism. Or at least, in the belief system of this one Buddhist.
I’ve been thinking a lot about our conversation. Christianity does not play nicely with other religions. In most Christian thought, it is the one true way, and to believe in anything else is a sin. Buddhism plays beautifully with other religions, as we can see with Shinto and Buddhist integration in Japan.
So I wondered how do you reconcile a belief system? How do you understand something so vastly different from your own experiences, but connect to on an emotional and spiritual level? You can’t discount the belief systems of entire nations and societies. It is in the differences where we can learn and grow.
I don’t know what happens when we die. I may never have the answer to that in my lifetime. But our different upbringings taught my wife and me to view the world from contrasting perspectives.
In Western religion, there is a lot of black and white. This is good, that is bad. I think Buddhism is more complex in its metaphysical understanding of the world. In fact, the entire way we understand time is completely different. I explained to my wife that in the west we see time as a straight line — from birth to death. In the Christian religion, we have one life to get it right and achieve entrance into heaven. She explained to me that time is cyclical. It is not a straight line, but interwoven. Birth and death and closer together than anything else.
While I continue my journey into understanding and finding out what I truly believe, I am left with one piece of our conversation. Gratitude is important. The gratitude she shows for her family, for her ancestors, for life, is truly humbling. I know I need that. Japanese culture is filled with displays of gratitude towards things that I often take for granted. Performative or not, this gratitude is strongly rooted in the culture and the religions that are prevalent here.
Perhaps we all want to know what happens when we die. I’m not sure Japan will give me the answer to that question, but the differing belief systems have forced me to pause and think. I know it will force me to grow and question things. For now, it has shown me that I should offer gratitude towards that which has come before me or is present in front of me, and that is a powerful thing.
Thanks for reading! If you want to read more about life in Japan and Japanese culture, follow me on Medium, X, or over at my website.